Once upon a time, years and years ago at the height of my weeb phase, I came across the mv for Malice Mizer's Beast of Blood.
The lolita's gateway drug.
Like many other lolitas before me, I absolutely fell in love with the beautiful clothing the band wore, especially that of the guitarist's. I did a ton of research on the band, listening to all their music I could find on youtube and looking at many, many pictures all across the internet. The two most mind blowing bits of information that I found were that the fashion this gorgeous musician wore was called Gothic Lolita and that Mana was, in fact, a man.
To tiny-me, this was a huge deal because, even though (at the time) I identified as strictly male, I wanted so bad to wear cute clothes. Here was this beautiful person who identified as the same gender as me while still wearing clothes that I admired and envied, boldly and without shame. My gothy, queer boi heart would never be the same.
After my initial research binge, I revisited the beautiful world of lolita every couple of years, fawning over gorgeous dresses (I thought) I could never in a million years afford, let alone gather the courage to wear. Sometime in the middle of high school, I came across my first real lolita love, Mary Magdalene. I loved everything about the brand, from the jewel tones prominent in their solid pieces to the elegant and mature cuts. When I found their Enid OP, I knew that, one day, come hell or high water, I would wear this fashion.
My first love.
Fast forward through just a couple more years where I slowly reaccustom myself to wearing feminine clothing and adjust my gender identity to better reflect how I feel about myself, to where I actually start planning to build a wardrobe based around my love of Mary Magdalene. I do tons more research and plan my future classic wardrobe extensively and then fall ass backwards into being a creepy cute sweet lolita instead, but that's a whole different story.