7. Why Do I Wear Lolita?

I have a tiny, unreliable income, I'm disabled in ways that makes getting dressed rather difficult, and I'm genderqueer with a masculine leaning identity. Lolita seems like the last fashion I would get into but yet, here I am in all my frilly wonder. Why I wear lolita can be largely boiled down to one reason : it makes me happy; but there are a lot of factors that have influence me into wearing the fashion myself instead of just admiring it.

Lolita, being an alternative fashion at its core, has always had guys wearing it. I've always been a very feminine person even though I don't identify as female at all, and I've always had a love for skirts and dresses and super cute clothes. Finding out that one of the lolita forefathers was male had a huge impact on the way I, this skinny little trans boy, viewed clothes in relation to gender. While the idea that clothing style has nothing to do with gender has only become prevalent in the United States in recent years, back then (all the way back in 2005 I think), the idea that somewhere guys were able to wear traditionally feminine styled clothing really helped me accept the fact that I could be feminine without necessarily being female. It took many, many years for me to get comfortable actually presenting femininely, but my love of lolita was a huge reason why I pushed my boundaries in regards to gender presentation. Wearing lolita has been more or less the ultimate culmination of the self confidence I gained while experimenting with my gender and the way I present myself.

Being disabled, both mentally and physically, means that I spend a lot of time at home in my pjs. The extra effort I put into getting dressed for when I go out, even when I'm not wearing lolita, goes a long way towards tempering some of the symptoms I have. For me, getting dressed is going to hurt anyway so I might as well go the extra mile and wear something that makes me look awesome and feel good about myself. What I gain from this extra effort far outweighs the cost of doing it. When I'm dressed up, I'm happier, I handle my chronic pain better, and I'm not as bothered by the side effects of my medications.

Lolita is a very expensive hobby but, for me, it's well worth the strain on my tiny income because of how happy it makes me. It's a very positive force in my life and it's become a huge part of how I identify.

Part 18/52 of the Lolita 52 Week Challenge.